Contagious Positivity

After reading my very first entry, my brillant friend, Christopher Haskell Jones* had this to say (and I quote); "Positivity, intent, and focus are contagious. Keep coughing on everyone you see." Thank you, Chris, for your accidental wisdom. I can't stress enough how true that statement is and it's actually one of the reasons I started this blog.


As you may know, I spend most of my evenings as a bar wench in the Valley to pay the rent. During my sixth week of Round 1 of P90X, my hard work started to show. And I wasn't the first, second, or even third person to notice. Patrons at the restaurant, regulars and newcomers alike, started asking me how I managed to stay in shape. My co-workers who knew I was doing P90X were just straight up announcing my progress in the middle of dinner service. I was ecstatic! I felt a bit like the Emperor wearing a brand new invisible outfit, but hey, if others could see my progress, maybe the program was actually starting to work.


I've never been a particularly shy person so I didn't keep my plans a secret. When people asked, I would look them in the eyes and tell them the truth; I want to become the best me I can be. This was no small task. Remember, I was talking about exercise and healthy habits to people who were eating wings, fries, and pasta and drinking beers two at a time at four o'clock in the afternoon during our Happy hour. I expected to be laughed at (and I was a few times) but an unexpected number of people were actually interested so I began sharing my story. The next thing I knew, I was spreading the word about P90X and my goal to become the best me I can be.


A week later, I went home to Detroit to visit my family. I didn't want to take time off from work in this uneasy economy of ours, but my mom insisted and offered to fly me home. My youngest sibling, Jonah, had just turned 13 years old and was fast becoming a teenager. My mom reminded me this might be my last chance before he's too cool to hang out with his much older sister. She also reminded me that I hadn't been home during summer vacation in almost eight years. So, home I went, for an actual vacation with my family.


I have to admit, I was a bit nervous to go home during my first time actually following through with an exercise program. I love my family but I didn't remember them as having the best eating habits in the world or any exercise habits at all, for that matter. And most of them struggle with their weight. The first thing I did to plan for my trip was call my sister. We were very close growing up and we've maintained a strong friendship as adults. Since last year, she had lost about 50 lbs. by drastically changing her diet and I was so proud of her. Then, she hit a plateau and I knew she was going to have to work harder to reach her goals. She said she'd been exercising but I was skeptical. I told her I wanted her to try P90X with me while I was home.


To my surprise, she said yes! She had already been planning to give it a try and was even more excited than I was! That meant it was time to call Mom and let her know I'd be taking over her living room every morning to workout. Her response; "Sure. I just rearranged the house and there's plenty of room for you and your sister to workout. Jonah and I have no problems when we workout." Wait, my family works out now? I couldn't believe it. It turns out my stepdad, John has been teaching Jonah boxing moves and making him run on the treadmill every day. My mom has a Ballet Barre workout that's easy on her injured knees. My Dad has been riding his exercise bike at home this whole year. My sister did P90X with me every morning while I was home. Here I was thinking I'd be fighting a losing battle and my whole family had caught the exercise bug. Now I was impressed!


A few weeks later, while I was on the phone with my Dad, he told me how proud he was of me and motivated by me. He figured that if someone with his DNA could do it, then maybe he could, too. And that just motivated me to want to workout even more! It really is true that positivity is contagious. Though I've found it can work the same way with negativity, if you let it.


A few years ago, I was living in the Washington Heights neighborhood in NYC. I was dating someone who I enjoyed spending time with but he was very critical and judgmental. I realized that whenever I was with him, I also became more judgmental. Being with him made it okay for me to feel superior and look down on people. I know we all do this in the privacy of our own homes from time to time, but I began to notice a pattern. I always left our dates feeling negative for no reason. I was wrestling with breaking it off because I felt oddly powerful when we were together but empty on the train ride home.


One night, while venting this problem to my roommate, Faith, she gave me a piece of advice that as stuck with me all these years. It's important to surround yourself with people who give back the same energy you give to them. If you waste your time with people who only take from you, you won't have any energy left for yourself. Needless to say, I told this young man I was seeing that we should see other people. Thinking back on my interactions with friends, lovers, even guests at my restaurant, I realize now that I'm equally affected by positive and negative energy. I wish I wasn't. I wish I had a thicker skin and the negative stuff would bounce off of me like I was rubber instead of glue. I'm working on it.


On the other hand, I am learning, quite successfully, to use the positive stuff like rocket fuel to blast me further and farther than I originally planned! Every time a patron congratulates me on working towards my goal, or a co-worker notices my progress, or a family member or friend tells me they want to try P90X for themselves, I get a boost. If my friend, Mr. Jones is right, and I believe he is, than I am sick to my stomach with positivity and I'm gonna keep coughing on everyone I meet until they catch the bug, too!


*Using three names is no longer reserved for assassins.