This'll Be The Day That I Die

It was just another Sunday night. Ice cream bars and late night network television. One more night I swore I would go to sleep at a reasonable hour, waking up early the next morning, a Monday morning, to start the week right. Yet there I was on the couch, watching American Chopper thinking, "I'll go to bed as soon as this episode is done. I want to see them finish this bike." Just when I thought I was out of excuses to go to bed, the infomercials began.

Anyone who grew up with me knows I'm a night owl and I LOVE infomercials. I've owned the Clapper, the Swiffer, the Sham-Wow, the Blendtec, and the Forman Grill all because I saw them on TV. I've even shopped in the As Seen On TV store, which is awesome, by the way. I thought getting sucked into infomercials was a thing of the past. Since I gave up my cable (and currently have only six channels), infomercials are once again my only option after 2 am. But this was no ordinary infomercial. This was INSANITY.

Just like P90X, I had heard of Insanity but I didn't really know what the routines were like. The host and creator, Shaun T, didn't seem all that special. How do you best Tony Horton? The man is a superstar, changing lives across this great nation of ours, and whipping our soldiers into tip top shape. The answer became clear almost instantly. Three words; Non Stop Cardio. Every workout had "cardio" in the title. Hmm. I do like the variety of P90X. It works all your muscle groups every week. On the other hand, the Insanity workouts are shorter, and cardio is the best way to melt all that fat. I was starting to get sucked in. P90X: six days a week for 90 days. Insanity: five days a week for 60 days. Well, well, well. Insanity promises a shorter program with shorter routines, less days a week, less equipment, and the same killer results. Let's face it, it's mostly about what you eat, anyway. Alright...SOLD!

The key to Insanity is longer periods of high intensity and shorter periods of rest. I watched the clips of people leaving puddles of sweat on the gym floor beneath them. I think we already established in my last blog how much I love to sweat. I was starting to get psyched! But was I fit enough for such a non-stop workout at such high intensity? "Maybe I should just finish this round of P90X, train for marathon, and worry about Intensity next year." But it was too late. The challenge had been extended through this infectious late night paid advertisement. I was curious to see what I was really made of.

Today. August 30th. Day 1 of Insanity. On the first day you take the Fit Test so you can track your progress. "Fit Test? You mean, I don't even workout on Day 1. Great! Sounds easy." I watched it once to get a feel for the routine. "It wasn't even 30 minutes long. Piece of cake. Wait, why is that guy sweating so much during a simple fitness test? That seems odd. And that girl is moving fast but she doesn't have the best form." I was certain that my technique would be stellar in comparison, even though that girl looked fit as a fiddle. I was wrong.

I've never worked harder in my life. After the first minute, my lungs were burning and I was gasping for air. I had vastly underestimated this program. By the end of this "simple" Fit Test, I felt as though I might vomit if I had to do one more move. Even now, I still feel "off." As Ron Burgundy would say, I immediately regret this decision. I don't know if I'll survive these next sixty days but there's no turning back now. Reality has set in, I am waaaaaay out of shape, but I've made up my mind. I took my "Before" picture. I've figured out my meal plan. I've picked out a white coat and I'm choosing Insanity.

Runner's High

I have to face the reality that my life may never be perfectly balanced. The long term solution is to work smarter and try harder. In the meantime, I'm replacing my "bad habits" with positive ones, starting with running. As I've mentioned in other posts, I used to think of running as really fun...for about 12 seconds, but tedious for 30 minutes. Just thinking about running for any other extended period of time was excruciating.

In the last few years, as I began living a more active lifestyle, running started to grow on me. It was still difficult, but I appreciated that it was worth the work. After a while, I didn't mind jumping on the treadmill. I enjoyed the synchronization of my breath and my feet. If I had the right music, I could really get into a rhythm, and then there was no stopping me. A few days ago, I found that groove again on the treadmill and something new happened; I smiled.

I don't know what came over me. I don't even remember what songs were playing. It was a very strange feeling. Every part of my body was working together, moving forward, like a well-oiled machine. It was as though I was meant to run. I was made to be a runner. I wasn't dripping with sweat, I was absolutely covered in it! I know how dirty that sounds but it was more like swimming than running. It was refreshing. I felt like I could run forever. Unfortunately, I had done the P90X Cardio workout right before and I didn't want to overdo it and injure myself. For the first time in my life, I was disappointed to stop running instead of relieved.

There have been plenty of days when I dreaded going to the gym. I've certainly had my share of days when there was no way I was gonna get on that moving torture device known as The Treadmill. I never thought I'd see the day I longed to go running. Today was that day. It was supposed to be my rest day but I couldn't help myself. I had to chase down that runner's high I had experienced a few days before. I wanted to feel that feeling. I only went 2.5 miles, and I'm not yet running at the marathon pace I dream of, but I'm off to a great start. And I have finally found a place where I feel perfectly balanced.

Balancing Act

It's no secret that my biggest problem has always been balance. Like Billy Joel, I don't know why I go to extremes, but I do. I have this energy that lends itself to incredible feats of strength and an insatiable thirst for life. The next day, I can't get out of bed and I'm questioning the meaning of it all. I know. Very dramatic. Some call it my dark side. I don't mind it. In fact, I used to be in love with it. I wore black, smoked cigarettes, and said whatever was on my mind at any given moment. I followed my every whim, right down the rabbit hole, and always came out safe on the other side. But c'mon, I'm an adult now.

I have rent, bills, dogs, dreams that need to be turned into goals, and a huge ticking Hollywood clock that gets louder every time I allow my skin to be burned by the sun. This imbalance I possess is becoming a burden. Something I fear will continue to drag me down unless I learn how to control it, or use it for good. The most recent example is my current obsession; running. I'm still only jogging while I complete P90X, so the physical part isn't the problem. It's my access to the internet. Instead of writing, I find my mouse wandering up to the Google box, just for a minute, to search for the perfect running watch with heart monitor and GPS, or the perfect shoes for my high arches and supination, or deciding which race will be my second marathon when I haven't even run my first!

I guess we all have our issues. That's what it's all about, learning our life lessons. So I'm a work in progress. That's cool. I am getting really good at balancing my actual workouts. Well, pretty good. Last week, I decided to rest on Wednesday instead of pushing myself to workout, with the self-promise that I'd workout on Sunday (my normal rest day). Good step. I was listening to my body so I didn't get hurt. On Thursday, I felt great after Shoulders & Arms, so I really pushed myself during Ab Ripper. Bad step. It was my first time doing Ab Ripper in a year and now, four days later, I'm still sore. So I rested both Saturday and Sunday until I felt well enough to complete a good workout. Today, during Core, I paid close attention to my abs and hip flexors, making sure I had the right balance of pushing through and backing off.

Today, I started Week Two of P90X on a good step. And if I take another bad step, I'll just learn from it and move on. In the spirit of baby stepping across my tightrope, I'm also taking a day off from my running obsession, which means no Complete Guide to Running for Women, no Runner's World magazine, and no Google searches for sports bras made with sweat wicking material. Just lots of water, some laundry, some time with the dogs, and, good or bad, lots of writing. Starting with this blog...