All the Right Reasons

I'm not who I want to be. I'm not as productive, proactive, or any other positive "P" word I can think of, as I'd like. Too often, I procrastinate, ponder, pine, piss & moan, panic, and many other negative "P" words I can't think of right this second. What I don't think to remind myself on a daily basis is I can change. I'm human and have the ability to change, to teach myself a new routine. I'm lucky enough to have been born in America, to working class parents, making it possible for me to, well, make things possible. It takes work, that's all. Not that work isn't hard but it's supposed to be hard. To quote my favorite fictional baseball coach, "...the hard is what makes it great." I think that must be true in life. Things that are truly valued the most are those we earn. That being said, I'm turning myself into an athlete.

Now that you've stopped laughing, I'll say it again, with conviction. I'M TURNING MYSELF INTO AN ATHLETE! I'm not entering the Olympics or anything, but it's not totally out of left field either. It's actually a long time coming. I've been an athlete quite a few times in my life. When I was five years old, I played T-ball, until I got hit in the gut with a ball. In grade school, I played Soccer, Volleyball, and was even a Cheerleader. In high school, I trained as a sprinter with the Track team, until shin splints and dance classes cut my career short. Many forms of dance require stamina, strength, and flexibility. It's been ten long years since I was a trained dancer. I have a tennis racket that's been collecting dust in my closet for more than two years. It's been one year this week since I started P90X the first time. The time is now.

Recently, I was speaking to a friend about my problem, and they asked me to recall the last time I was happy. I thought this was a rather loaded, complicated question. Instead of retreating, or glossing over it with some quip or joke, I gave it my proper attention. When was the last time I felt truly proud to be me? My answer? 1996. My Senior year of high school. Why? Because I was doing absolutely everything I loved. Somehow, I was never too busy to do the things that moved me the most. I lived with passion! Singing, dancing, acting, constantly learning and growing, never stopping to ask myself if I had enough time. I MADE time. I got it done. If someone didn't understand or wasn't on board, that was their problem. I was confident and creative 100% of the time.

That was me. It's in me. I can be that way again. I have to do it or risk spending the rest of my life a walking sob story, talking about "the good old days, when I had all that potential." Hell no! Not me. I'll risk small failures over the BIG ONE every day of the week. It started yesterday when I started P90X. It felt great! Today was another sweaty success, and so will tomorrow be. And Thursday. And every day for the next 13 weeks until the P90X program is complete. When that's done, I think I'll head to the beach and try to pick up a volleyball game. Maybe I'll dust off that tennis racket, take a dance class, or start running. Who knows? The LA Marathon isn't until March...and if I'm not a great athlete that's okay. At least I'm trying. It's better than growing old and getting stale. No risk, no reward. I think Steve Guttenberg said that.